today was day 1 of my career as a bingo call girl.
i walked into pioneer ridge this afternoon, meet the director, cindy, and follow her into the dining hal. she lead me to a table in the front of the room. “here are the things you’ll need. have fun!”
and out she walked.
i looked up, 17, unhappy, droopy eyes vacantly watching me. no smiles. no enthusiasm. starring contest.
me: “okay. so, is everyone ready to play?”
crowd: “we can’t hear you.”
me: “are you ready to start?”
crowd: ——
this pleasant conversation continued throughout.
according to popular belief, i basically ran the whole bingo operation incorrectly. called the game wrong, held the cards wrong, forgot to put up the ‘example card’ (forgot? why didn’t anyone instruct me?) there was debate regarding all aspects of this monotonous game. this dull competition.
finally, i hear a blunt, “bingo!” carry the basket of candy over to her table.
me: (I 39? right…didn’t call that. N 14? wrong again.) “okay, choose a prize.”
her: “i want a diet coke.”
how could you ever tell a grandma she didn’t actually win bingo?
Between every game there was much confusion. do we clear our cards? what type of bingo are we playing next? what the hell does 4 corners mean?
they watched me very closely. suspicious little ones.
(at one point i heard this little lady say “and after!”…later i realized she said this every time i said “B4″ before and after. more clever than i)
an hour passed, and the last bingo was called. as i was was walking past a table a lady pointed to her card and said something along the lines of, “i have a bingo”
he card was even full.
me: “you have a blackout?” (if we are going to pretend, at least put the chips on the card)
her: (starring at me with skinny, pencil eyebrows and lipstick cheeks)
me: “here, pick a prize”
about to cry (literally) i went around to the tables to gather cards and chips. the clan scattered. i approached a table of stragglers.
me: (please don’t be mean)
precious man: (without looking up) “you did a good job hun. thank you very much.”
precious woman: “yes dear, thank you”
precious woman #2: “you are just too sweet to do this”
the director came back. finally. she asked if i would ever come back. “they hate it when someone calls other than me.”
oh. really?
